u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
