Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And then my night got REAL pukey
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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