That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
