take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
