Jerry, you need to find god
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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