i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
