There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
