I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
