everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
