Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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