I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
