at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
