Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
