Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
