why didn't you poke me back
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
True strength comes from lack of pants
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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