All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
