Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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