im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
