fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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