I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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