Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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