I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
