I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
