he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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