It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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