i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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