and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
