Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
