im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
