I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
