Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
