I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
