My brain says no but my pants say off.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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