My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
