First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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