the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
