Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
