??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
there is glitter all over my balls
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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