Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
