there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
