you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
