I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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