bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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