yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
