she sounds like chewbacca in bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
