Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
