They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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