so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
