So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
