I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
