Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
